I over did it

This weekend I partied hard at a Christmas party. I should know better given my physical problems but I guess the chance to have fun was just too enticing.

It’s three days later and I am still paying for it and have a cold to boot. I am resolving to be more sensible from this point on! I can’t risk anything that slows me down and makes me any more tired than I already am. Health and well-being has to be my absolute unwavering focus!

Knowing your limits is so important in managing any chronic illness, and I do admit I have a tendency to push myself too hard sometimes. It’s just frustrating that my “too hard” is someone else’s easy peasy!

I have so many things I want to accomplish!!!

I chose to take a day of leave from work today for some rest and to get some chores done. Got to go now. Might listen to an old 1940s radio show in the evening and do some reading.

Peace and love. x

Monday Happy Vibes

Good morning folks! Welcome to a brand new week! It’s a beautiful day here. The sun is shining and the weather is surprisingly mild. I had a nice walk to work past a lake where I got to watch the ducks swimming peacefully across one side of the lake, and on the other side a swarm of desperate seagulls were fighting over a sandwich someone had abandoned over the weekend. Arranged for pre-work cuddles with my love as I had not seen them in two days and I missed them dreadfully!

I have some happy music on (psychedelic rock) and I thought I would come and share an update here.

Most of my weekend was spent doing a whole lot of nothing which was fantastic and so sorely needed. I watched a couple of documentaries, listened to some old radio shows, read a little and took care of the weekly chores. Was doing the weekly food shop yesterday and was definitely getting the Christmas feeling but gah I’m so not prepared! Buying presents gets harder each year that passes. My chronic health issues make it so hard. I feel exhausted and get overwhelmed in large crowds – all the noise and movement all around me makes me feel dizzy and sick, which is apparently a symptom of fibromyalgia!

So after many years of saying I would do it, I have decided to do most of my shopping online. I have probably left it a little late but I’m going to try not to stress about it!

I can’t wait for the Christmas holidays. I get a good long break with my love and that’s everything I could wish for. I am so grateful for my life right now.

Thank Goddess it’s Friday!

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Happy Friday all! It is finally here again! 🙂

Getting up this morning was difficult not gonna lie. I was so tired yesterday I got in from work and thought I might actually throw up from utter exhaustion. I made a pretty pathetic dinner of toast and hummus and crashed into bed at half 7.

I was hoping for a sound sleep but it was difficult, as it so often is when I am overtired. This morning the only thing to get me through was the thought of just one more day left in the working week…well, and what I must say was a particularly splendid cup of coffee!

I’ve had a very productive day thus far and am feeling very positive. I had a wonderful lunch with my love and we got to take in some nature too – including learning just how green swan poop can be! Ha!

The sun is shining and even though things are not perfect, and I feel my body slowing down as the day progresses, I am content.

Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.

–Marcus Aurelius

Working and my no-energy levels

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My eyes are heavy. My head feels like it’s full of sand and I have turned into a wibbly wobbling slurring mess with panda bear-esque dark circles under my eyes! Yes I am crashing. My energy levels have hit the floor and I am at my desk at work with a fatigue so crushing that even sitting feels overwhelming.

I stare at the computer screen and try to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing, and which buttons I need to be pressing and all the while I feel I could slither off my chair and onto the oddly coloured carpet of my office floor.

The above scenario represents a typical day for me now. I started in my current job just over a year ago, but for the past 6 months or so my health has continued to go downhill.

Everyday is such a battle now. I have a wannabe Type A personality in a body that wants to rest all day. I have so many ideas, so many plans that I want to get so excited about and throw myself into but I just can’t. I have to reign myself in, to give what little energy I have to the job I have to do, and it does basically get all my energy.

When I get home from work I am counting the minutes before I can go to bed. I make the quickest dinner possible and do any other bits that I have to so I can be ready for the next working day. After that I’m pretty much done and most days I’m in bed by half 8.

I’ve found very little to help the fatigue. Drinking more coffee, drinking less coffee, sleeping more, sleeping less, eating small regular meals, giving up snacking between meals, removing certain foods from my diet, taking various supplements, taking painkillers, drinking herbal teas, going for walks, drinking more water, switching between tasks, listening to different types of music – nothing helps!

But I do keep the hope that one day soon I might wake up with some energy! The loveliness of that thought helps to keep me going! I will not give up! 😊

Friday thoughts: relationships and the chronically ill me

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Hi all,

Today is Friday! At last we’ve reached the end of the working week and in just a few hours we shall be granted a slight reprieve from the daily grind. My body is definitely feeling the strain of the week so I am very excited! 🙂

Friday is supposed to be ruled by the planet Venus and associated with goddesses such as Aphrodite and Freyja so love is a strong theme for the day. Given this I’ve decided to share a few thoughts on illness and relationships.

Illness makes me selfish. When I am unwell I draw inwards. My mind becomes focused on my own experiences of pain and suffering and with thoughts of how I can feel better. Of course we can’t maintain a healthy relationship if we are continually focusing on ourselves! The difficulty then is how do I attend my own needs, not denying that chronic illness is bloody difficult at times, and yet not become so focused on myself that I can’t be there for those I am in relationship with?

I suppose one thing that strikes me is the importance of keeping a certain separateness between my illness and my relationships so that my illness is not requiring a constant stream of attention and energy from those around me. My illness is MY experience. I need to find the time and the means to work through what that experience means for me as an individual – to work through the difficult feelings it brings up, reflect on the lessons that I have learned through it, even just to sit with it myself.

Having time to myself is restorative and vitally important. Once I’ve given myself time to process what’s going on with me and myself, I can focus more clearly on what is actually happening to those around me! It also prevents the potential for my loved ones taking on more than they need to.

Of course the other key thing in managing any relationship – and probably especially important when dealing with chronic illness – is communication. It’s not always easy to do, but no successful relationship seems to manage long without it.

That’s all my brain can splurge for now.

Going in search of coffee. x

To vent into the void

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So I begin my foray into the blogging world!

I suppose my first post calls for some sort of introduction to me but I’ll keep it brief. I think it more fun to let any readers unpick my personality as they go. I’m 29 years old and I live in Dublin, Ireland – which at the moment is grey and rainy and generally miserable.

So I sit with my coffee and appreciate the warmth and comfort of the indoors.

I have been sick forever (as long as I can remember) and I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety. In addition to this, the latest of my medically unexplained symptoms has me undergoing testing for Lyme disease!

I have a keen interest in health, medicine and well-being, and given my own experience of illness I have a personal interest in helping and supporting others facing the same. I’m a firm believer in the power of peer support and I hope that through sharing my experiences others may find comfort and reassurance that they are not alone, that someone “gets it”, and that there is power in sharing our stories.

I also hope that by having somewhere to vent freely about how difficult life with chronic illness can be that I can improve my own well-being – and blogging is much cheaper than counselling!

Well that’s all for now. I’ll be back again soon.

P.S. I take my coffee black.